I've been intending to write this for a few days, and no excuses, but it is hard. This coming Sunday, October 3 will be Noah's first Angelversary in heaven...his first year away from me and me away from him...I wish I could say that it's gotten easier, but honestly, most days it feels like it's getting harder. It's astounding the size of the hole in my life, my family, my heart that his absence has created...I miss him more than words can say and I know his brothers do, too. We talk about him a lot. Brady still tells me often how much better, how much funner, how much happier, how much more complete life was before - when Noah was still here. I often struggle to find the right words to tell him because I think so, too, EVERYthing was better when Noah was here. Mostly, I'm just honest with my boys, and lay my heart out for them to see, for them to know...we are all struggling because we all feel like this was not supposed to happen. But it did.
Because it did happen, we work so hard to raise awareness, to grow 9D Years for Noah, to reach out and help other children, who like Noah and too many other young children before them, fight every minute of every day for their lives. YOU are a very big part of this.
So, I still can't believe it's been a year...a year without his laughter or his voice or his smile or his hugs or his smell or his big brown eyes looking for mine or his giggle or his little hand tucked securely in mine or his head leaning against my arm...and I still haven't learned to breathe...
It's been a year since my own personal definition of the word, the experience of 'permanent' was rewritten...There are days even now when I wake up and simply can't believe he's not here. My head just can't accept it, so of course that means my heart is struggling as well.
A couple of very important things I am thankful for, though: #1 He's in heaven, healed, whole, healthy and he's waiting for me, for his brothers, for all of us. #2 I had him - for eight years, his smile lit up my world, my days, my heart. We truly were blessed with this child, my child, my sons' brother for 8 years. We were blessed with his courage, his sense of humor, his one-liners, his wisdom, his honesty, him...for this, we are thankful.
We are planning a celebration and remembrance of Noah's life on Sunday, October 3 at the baseball fields that he loved so much, the same baseball fields where he always played with his brothers, where they play still...Check the flyer above and if you are in the area and would like to stop by and write on a balloon - it can be anything - a prayer, a word, your name, a memory, a note for Noah, please feel free. We'd love to have anyone who wants to to stop by and prepare a balloon for The Mighty...9D Years for Noah will be blowing up balloons from 11am until 4pm; the balloon release is planned for 4:30pm from Noah's field. Yep, the balloons will carry our notes to Noah in heaven...If you are not in the area because you live in another state or because of prior commitments or for whatever reason, you are still welcome to participate in this event. Just send me an email (the.mighty@live.com) , tell me what you'd like your balloon to say and I will write the balloon for you. Or, if you prefer, feel free to send Noah some balloons on your own from wherever you are...I know he'd love it. Send me pictures if you do ~ or post them on the 9D Years for Noah Facebook page...I'm imagining Noah on Sunday, Mario dancing around heaven, giggling as he sees all the balloons drifting up towards him there in heaven, gathering them, sharing them, and most importantly, smiling that humble smile of his...knowing he is greatly missed, very well-loved...
Let's keep on keeping on and keep Noah's name and his brothers' names on our lips and in God's ears as we pray and praise...
Much love for always,
Mary
J29:11
P139, P91
